Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson, Still Alive?

Posted: 08/16/2009 by that's Elbert in Delaware, Elvis, Just For Fun, satire
Tags: , ,

There’s a theory about many mysterious celebrity deaths which I would like to share. Some might say it’s a government conspiracy. Some might say this is the dream of some lunatic. Let me brief you on what I know and let you, the reader, decide.

There is a secret yet unnamed group of powerful men and women which formed a program for popular artists, such as actors and singers, to pull them out the public eye. Referred to as “The Program”, this provided a means for drug and alcohol rehabilitation, counseling, and a return to private life. The Program is available at the choice of the artist due the overwhelming pressures of the spotlight.

There are two theories regarding the first celebrity to be placed in The Program. One small camp believes that big band star Glenn Miller was the first to be taken in. His suspicious disappearance over the English Channel made for an easy exit from the spotlight into seclusion.

Another larger camp believes that country music legend Hank Williams was the first. Williams, who’s death was reported to be discovered by a 17 year old driver, suffered greatly from alcoholism. The Program made it easy for Williams to slip out of the spotlight, get help for his alcohol addiction, and enter a new life of peaceful living.

Whether Miller or Williams was the first, the deed set the stage for The Program to begin its service to the stars. There are many suspected participants in The Program, which may include James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, Jim Morrison, Elvis Presley, John Belushi, Kurt Cobain, Tupac Shakur, and most recently Michael Jackson.

Most of the celebrities cited had some controversy surrounding their deaths, which makes it even easier to believe that The Program exists. What makes it difficult is the complete lack of witnesses affirming that the stars are still alive, with the only exceptions being Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson.

There have been numerous Elvis sightings reported all across the nation. There are many that have seen Elvis locally, mostly with local politicians. It was reported that State Representative Biff Lee was seen having coffee at the Laurel Dutch Inn with the King of Rock & Roll. One report puts Elvis with State Representative Pete Schwartzkopf at the Big Fish Grill. Some reports place Presley riding with US Senator Tom Carper during his several visits to southern Delaware. I am having trouble believing these local sighting reports, as they came from an unnamed gentleman drinking something out of a brown paper bag.

Searching around the Internet, I found many reports of Michael Jackson sightings, from Washington State to Florida, even as close as the Dover Air Force Base. What makes the Michael Jackson sightings partially believable is Jackson’s connections to Presley. First, Presley was the King of Rock & Roll while Jackson was the King of Pop. Second, Jackson was married to Presley’s daughter. Finally, according to Presley’s daughter Lisa Marie, Jackson believed that he would in fact go out like her father. Was Jackson, in a way, vaguely referring to The Program? We may never know.

Right now, we are indeed left in the dark regarding this whole matter, even if in fact The Program really exists. What we know for certain is that many will believe that Elvis Presley is still alive, and convincing them otherwise may be near impossible.

Today is the anniversary of the King of Rock & Roll’s death. May he someday rest in peace.

One more thing. If you believe all this, I’ve got a bridge at the Indian River Inlet that I’ll sell you!

(crossposted on DelawarePolitics.net because they are very nice to me)

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Comments
  1. …and just in case there’s any doubt, this post is a joke.

  2. swampcritter2 says:

    Jimi Hendrix and I were jammin’ on guitar just the other day, Elbert. He says your full of it.